hahax created a new yet not so new blog. hurhurhur
yup i just realised how much my world suck, how much misunderstanding there are in my life, how contradictive i am, am how sucky i am.
hahax yea i'm a F****** bitch. glad i realised.
who EVER said it's your fault?
who called you almost EVERYDAY last year just to talk to you and sort things out?
who tried to make things right and not make you feel lonely last year?
fine. go and chuck me aside and not believe my words.
you'll never understand me.
so you think you life is the only one filled with deceits? so you think that whatever i did was just a lie?
go and think that i've done nothing but to pull you into the depths if hell and expect you to follow my every bidding.
go think that you've wasted your precious time on me and think i'm a fake emo who seeks everone's attention.
go think that i'm the one who kept you chained into darkness, never letting you out.
at the beginning of the year, i was already sick of all these stupid misunderstandings that cropped up and spoil my every dream of freedom.
i should've known from the beggining that all i've ever done just turned out to be yet another misunderstanding.
fine so my actions are so irritating
have you ever known what it is like for me? how i ever felt?
have you really ever understood before jumping into conclusions and saying that i've always disliked you and all those stupid crap?
all my life, you've never make me feel happy, you've never made me feel like your friend.
in all my like you've made mr me feel like a failure, you made me feel as if i've make you cry in every confict that came up.
you've made me feel as if i'm such a bad person, i dont even deserve friends.
fine, i admit, maybe i AM such a bad person. maybe i dun even deserve a life.
my actions went haywire and i dont know why.
i dont even know why i valued you as my BSET FRIEND.
up till now, before i read what you said about me, i believed that even though we've been through so much conflicts, we'll always pull through and everything will be right again.
i thought that you were my most important friend.
even though i may look as though i keep dragging you into darkness, i've always, always, valued you more than eveyone that i've made friends with.
maybe my words sound so exaggerated. maybe you think it's just another one of my many lies.
maybe you just want to know why i 'clung' on so hard to you...we've been friends since sec 1. we've been through so much misunderstandings, and yet we've always came back together. we've quarreled but none as bad as this. i've even tried to tell you last year that you were NOT the third party and that i've never disliked you. haha to think that i'm worried over that for nothing...
i tried to make you feel as into the clique as possible, i've tried calling you and trying to tell you that you're not the third party, and yet you kept insisting that you are.
deny all this if you want. have you ever cared how i really feel? have you ever understood all the pain that's equivalent to yours?
you've never seen those tears that i shed, never been into a place in my heart where all my miserable feelings i've been trying to run away from are kept and chained up behind my happy features. perhaps you've been going through the same thing last year. perhaps you also thought that nobody really understands how you feel. it's painful isnt it? that dull ache in your heart. haha....i really wish such a thing will disappear from mankind...
i apologise that i made you unhappy. i didnt know that my actions will turn out to be like this. call me a person who likes to suck up for all you want. call me a person who likes to show fake emotions for all you want. just prove how much you really know about me.
i'm a happy person outside. fine whenever i just talk to somebody, you feel left out. whenever i dun talk to you, you think i dao you. what am i supposed to do? why do you feel that way towards me?
all my life i thought that even though we still see flaws in each other, we're still best friends. isnt it a waste to let this friendship disappear like that?
you've never known about my feelings, you've never known about how i feel. in evey picture i drew, i tried to make you look the best, almost every night i would call you so much, it had suddenly became a habit.
at the starting of the year when you and her are together, have you even realised that you've left me out too? isnt it the same thing as you were going through last year? you keep insisting that i dont feel left out. what do you know about it? you blame me and say i left you out in the first place. you wanted my out of your life, dont you? you hate me, dont you?
when did i ever said it wasnt my fault? it IS my fault. i knew you felt left out last year, that's WHY i was so afraid that our friendship might crumble, i started calling you, started trying to make you fit in. maybe you've never known anything about it, or maybe my actions aren't so obvious, but i really did try to, and i didnt know it would turn out like that.
i never knew you felt like that towards me. perhaps if i knew, i wouldn't have joined you, i would've broke off with you a long time ago. i though that, maybe some day things would get better and we would return to the old days in sec 2 when we were still so close.
i dont blame you in anything. perhaps, yea, it's all my fault for making you feel left out and everything. it's all my fault for making you unhappy. it's all my fault that you were kept in the darkness.
but you have your own thinking, dont you? you can always try to break away, cant you? you can always run away from my pain and fly away to another peson, cant you? all it takes is just to tell me how you really feel about me, instead of keeping it down to yourself. hurt me if you like. i would rather get hurt when you just tell me straight in the face, then get hurt even more when you keep things from me.
if it makes you happier, just break away from me. maybe i'll feel less hurt anyway. all these time, you thought i've kept you caged up. you've been longing to break away.
what a fool i am, to believe that your my best friend and to treasure you so much. it might sound unbelievable to you though. you've been with me for too long, and you think i the sort who likes to deny myself, likes to blame others.
have you known the guilt i felt when you said that you were the third party last year? it's terrible, and i thought i could make things better by talking to you. all rthose things that i wrote on my blog last year, you thought it was you, wasnt it? i still dont understand why you think i dont like you.
haha or issit maybe i think too much? i guess the best way is to go our ways and forget about each other, then. i didnt know i've hurt you so much, though, and i'm really sorry for it. but now, things can never be same again. although i suffered a really horrible blow after reading your post, i thought of how stupid i am. how can i not notice such a thing?
i never thought you'll cling on to me. in fact, at the starting of the year when you and her are together, i've wanted to slip away quietly so to leave you both alone. i wanted to go and find new people and not bother you anymore. it was during obs that complicated things. i thought i was over with you, but then this thing had to rise, and soon, i found myself back with you again. at the beginning, i was reluctant, but then i thought ; is it fate trying not to break our friendship? maybe if i could stick to you somemore, the good old days would came back.
i was dreaming for that day for nothing. it will never, ever come back.
but it is a kind of relief that we break off, dont you think? things would've been better. my life will not be so filled with miseries, and your would not be filled with deceits.
haha oh wells. glad to be your ex-best friend anyway.